Sketchbook Stories
Im back on the ride, painting my heart out, taking risks, knowing it's ok to fail. Trial and error, finding my way with new possibilities. Stepping out of my comfort zone, just letting the process take me where I need to be. I’m not one for sketchbooks really, I like the idea but I’ve not done it since school. I think I have too many pre-concieved ideas about not being able to fit what I want within the space, if it is good, isn’t it better on canvas - if it’s bad - I’ve ruined a page, if you love it, it’s impossible to replicate and make as good a second time - your better off going for the real thing - straight in. and there I go, round and round in circles. Anyway, it’s nice to find a new approach and try something different.
Some of what I have is true to my past, it’s ingrained deep within and yet the other half feels totally different. I kind of love that I’m not really caring, that I’m just slapping stuff about and really enjoying being in that moment of the process. Right in it, it’s raw and exciting and I’m not thinking or even aware of what is happening or what the end result might look like, because it doesn’t matter. The journey is my destination. I don’t care about the result, if it’s good, that’s a bonus, if not, I’ll move on to something else. Sometimes there is something in not being precious or attached to what you already have. In taking risks you challenge yourself and it pushes you forward into new directions and places. I never want to play safe in my art, because that’s boring. Often I like what I’ve done only to feel an urge to do something else, potentially ruining what I’ve already made - but what’s the point of ‘nice’ if it could be something unique and special. Luckily I’ve painted enough to know I have to make those risks. I’m content that I’ve made quite a few paintings I’m really happy and I’m proud of. If I make a disastrous painting and ruin what I once liked - the risk is worth it, maybe not in that painting I’m creating then, but certainly in my paintings to come.
What’s interesting for me here, or different to how I usually work, is, I have focused on making shapes, familiar and made up. Shapes are added and then taken away. I constantly ask myself, what do I like, and what don’t I like. I’m also thinking of differences, in colour and texture. This blocking out and painting over feels liberating.
